Last Saturday
morning I had the pleasure of being the guest demonstrator on the Starbuy show
with the lovely Jenny Cleary.
Jenny is one of
the nicest people I have ever met, and one of the funniest. At times during the show I was laughing so
much I found it hard to concentrate on my demonstrations! I think the reason Jenny is so funny is
because she is a one-off. Her outlook,
the way she looks at life, is obvious and natural to her, but at times is just
plain weird to everyone else. Let me
show you what I mean…
The show began
as just another show until Jenny talked about how she struggles with
numbers. She was just about to announce
the savings on a particular item for Club members and pulled a face as if she
was working it out – then she admitted she was just pretending, and someone in
the gallery was telling her the figure through her earpiece. Jenny said, “I can’t Maths”. As if to demonstrate the point she said she’d
asked her 12 year old son, “If a pony was born in 1994 how old is she now?” Her son replied disbelievingly, “Please, you’re
not asking me this question really?” He
refused to help her because he believed Jenny should be able to work it out for
herself… that was four days ago and she still hadn’t quite managed it! I put her out of her misery by telling her
the answer!
Jenny then said,
“The more I think about it, the more I think my children may have brought
themselves up!”
Next Jenny apologised
for the state of her roots, as she’d just caught a glimpse of them in the
monitor! She said she’s got to wash her
hair tonight because she’s “going out out.” I think in Jenny Land there is “going
out” and then there is going out somewhere very nice or special – and that’s
not “going out”, that’s “going out out.”
And Jenny was going out out.
Some Andrews |
Later in the
show Jenny gave us another insight into her world by practicing her three times
table, live on air. She got as far as
seven times three before becoming confused.
To try to explain how her mind works, she says she doesn’t do numbers,
and even when she looks at people she sees objects – “most Andrews”, she explained
helpfully, “are mushrooms.” Jenny told me I’m not a mushroom, I’m a handheld
fan.
Thinking some
more about her “night out out”, she practised her dancing, decided it was ‘Mum
Dancing’, and then tried to do what she called ‘Sexy Dancing’ instead. I had to stop her and break the news gently
that, whatever it was that she was doing, it wasn’t sexy dancing. It reminded me of someone walking across a
field and then hopping about when they realised they’d walked into an
electrified fence!
Demonstrating
the Tattered Lace Pet Portraits reminded Jenny she’d grown up with a Tibetan
Terrier, whose show name was (deep breath) ‘African Dawn’s Lady Touch It’.
Frankly I was struck dumb for a while – not a great idea when you’re live on
air!
Another die
reminded Jenny of the old US TV show ‘Bewitched’, and she admitted to standing
in front of a mirror when it’s a full moon and trying to cast a few spells to
see if she has magic powers. When she
asked if I did the same thing she seemed genuinely surprised when I said I didn’t!
Jenny later
announced that “Peacocks are magical creatures of this Earth” and she looked
genuinely upset when I accidentally tore off the peacock’s head when I was
quickly cutting it out!
Jenny’s other
musings on the show extended to wondering why the Sun is always round when the
Moon is not, and claiming that fingers are for counting on, and that’s why we
have five on each hand when we really only need just a thumb and an index
finger to allow us to do stuff.
She told us she’d
hidden sixteen expensive Easter eggs in the boot of her car and they’d been in
there for four days. She looked
crestfallen when someone explained to her that they might have melted because
it’s been really hot lately and car boots heat up quickly. Jenny made me promise to go with her straight
after the show to her car “because there might be tears.”
I can reveal
that I did go with her and the Easter eggs were firm, not melted at all, and
looked very nice indeed.
Jenny Cleary you
live in Jenny Land but you’re all the more adorable for that and you are
absolutely hilarious. Don’t stop being
you!
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